My husband was shocked. He came home and asked if I did the same thing when I got together with my friends. I'm grateful that I could say that I didn't.
So that you don't think that I have always have had a great marriage here is a little background on me in a nutshell.
My husband and I met when I was in the 9th grade and he in the 10th grade, and dated through high school. I ended up getting pregnant at the end of my junior year. We decided to get married. After we got married we decided that we had not much in common. About three months into our marriage we were struggling, after a small argument we looked and each other and asked ourselves if we really wanted to be married. The answer was yes!
We decided then and there that we would commit to our marriage and would do what we needed to do to strengthen it. Sometime after this I was talking with some women and was doing the same thing as the women above were doing. On the way home I was thinking to myself about the conversation I had had with my friends and I thought to myself " I wonder if my husband talks about me with his friends or co-workers. And does he say mean things about me? I realized then that if I didn't want my husband talking about me in mean way, I better not be talking about him. I also wasn't living up to my commitment to my husband about making our marriage work. I was focusing on those things that bugged me instead of focusing on those qualities that I did enjoy.
I love this quote from Marjorie P. Hinkley "We loved each other; there was no doubt about that, but we also had to get used to each other. I think every couple had to get use to each other. Early on I realized that it would be better if we worked harder to get used to each other than constantly try to change each other" (Church News, 26 Sept. 1998)
Gordon B. Hinckley Said: "Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals, with neither exercising dominion over the other, but, rather with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have" ("I Believe", Ensign, Aug. 1992).
Of course we still had our difference of opinion and funny corks, which we still do, but thats part of marriage.
If you have sometime make a list of your characteristics and abilities and then a list of your spouses characteristics and abilities.
Now:
1- In what ways can the characteristics and abilities that you have listed help you as a couple be unified
2- In what ways have you seen your differences become strengths?.
At my wedding my dad gave me two hearts that were welded together by my grandpa. My dad said something along this line
" These two hearts were separate at one time, but with much heat and work these two hearts have come together, and are harder to break apart. They also don't look like much; they are a little rusty, not very smooth, and not very beautiful to look at. Like the hearts you and your husband are two separate people and with much work and patience and facing difficulties together we as a couple would become like the heart and be welded together. And it is up to us, if we wanted to keep our marriage rusty, or do we want to take the time to make our marriage beautiful. It was up to us.
These two hearts hang in my bedroom as a reminder to both me and my husband that we will face difficulties and its ok because it will make us stronger. And its up to us to make our marriage beautiful, by learning how to communicate, learning to love our differences and using our strengths.
I hope you will take the chance to do make the change in you.
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